The television gets a few notches louder every month. You find yourself repeating things two or three times during a conversation. Conversations in restaurants become hard work. You might even wonder whether your partner is ignoring you when, in reality, they simply haven’t heard what you’ve said. Then you mention it, and you get the answer you’ve heard before: “My hearing is fine.”
If your partner won’t admit they have hearing loss, it can leave you feeling stuck.
Many couples find themselves in this situation. According to the Royal National Institute for Deaf People (RNID), one in three people in the UK is deaf, has hearing loss, or has tinnitus.
Hearing loss often develops gradually, so your partner may not even realise how much their hearing has changed over time. Meanwhile, you’re noticing the effects every day. It can be frustrating, particularly when you’re worried about someone you love. You want to help, but every attempt to bring up their hearing seems to end in the same conversation. So how do you encourage your partner to get their hearing checked without making them feel criticised or pressured?
Why might your partner not realise they have hearing loss?
As your partner’s hearing changes, they might start filling in the gaps in conversations, watching people’s faces more closely or thinking that other people are mumbling. They might hear you quite well in a quiet room when it’s just the two of you, but struggle to follow a conversation in a busy place.
That’s because hearing loss isn’t always just about volume. It can also affect how clearly someone understands speech, particularly when there’s background noise. You may notice these difficulties more than your partner does, which can make conversations about their hearing frustrating for both of you.
Talk about the test, not the hearing aid
If you start the conversation by saying, ‘You need a hearing aid,’ your partner may become defensive. Someone who believes their hearing is fine isn’t likely to agree to a solution for a problem they don’t think they have. Instead, focus on encouraging them to have their hearing checked.
Having a hearing assessment doesn’t mean your partner has to get hearing aids. It simply helps them understand how well they’re hearing, and the audiologist can talk them through the results and any recommended next steps. Rather than telling your partner what they should do, try asking:“Would you consider having your hearing checked, just so we know whether anything has changed?”
How you offer to help matters too. Nobody likes feeling that decisions are being made for them. Asking “Would you like me to help arrange an appointment?” or “Shall I come with you?” gives your partner some control over what happens next.
If your partner isn’t ready to book an appointment, an online hearing check may be a useful first step, although it can’t replace a professional hearing assessment.
What happens during a hearing assessment?
Sometimes, not knowing what to expect from a hearing assessment can make someone reluctant to book one. A hearing assessment at Hearing Therapy begins with a conversation about your partner’s hearing history, any difficulties they’ve been experiencing and relevant medical history.
The audiologist will then examine their ear canals using an instrument called an otoscope. This allows them to check for possible causes of hearing difficulties, such as a build-up of earwax or an obstruction in the ear canal. Next, they’ll test your partner’s hearing using sound-isolating headphones. Your partner will be asked to press a button each time they hear a sound. This helps the audiologist assess their hearing across a range of frequencies.
The audiologist will also carry out a bone conduction test using a purpose-made vibrating headset. This helps the audiologist identify whether the hearing difficulty is related to the inner ear, middle ear or both.
Depending on your partner’s hearing difficulties or symptoms, the audiologist may also carry out additional tests. Once the assessment is complete, the audiologist will discuss the findings and work with your partner to explore suitable hearing solutions, which may include hearing aids. For many people, simply understanding what’s happening with their hearing can be reassuring.
If you’d like to learn more about the different tests involved, you can read our blog post, What Happens During a Hearing Test?
Understanding your partner’s concerns about hearing loss
Even if your partner understands what happens during a hearing assessment, they may still feel reluctant to have their hearing checked. Taking the time to understand what’s worrying them can make these conversations easier.
Some people worry about what the results might reveal. Others may be concerned about needing hearing aids, how they’ll look or whether they’ll be comfortable to wear. They might also have heard about someone else’s difficult experience and worry that the same thing will happen to them. Instead of making assumptions, try asking, “Is there anything about having your hearing checked that’s worrying you?” Then give your partner time to explain how they feel.
If hearing aids are their main concern, it may help to explain that modern hearing aids are very different from the devices many people remember. There are now lots of different styles available, including small, discreet models. Some can even be personalised with colourful designs or accessories, allowing people to express their personality. But you don’t need to explain everything at once. Understanding your partner’s concerns and listening to what they have to say may be more helpful than trying to persuade them to change their mind.
Choose the right moment to talk about their hearing
Don’t raise the subject immediately after you’ve had to repeat something several times. You may be feeling frustrated, and your partner might feel uncomfortable having their hearing difficulties pointed out.
Choose a quiet, relaxed moment when it’s just the two of you. You could try saying: “I’ve noticed you’ve been finding it difficult to hear sometimes, and I’m a little worried about you. Do you think it might be worth getting your hearing checked?” Then leave it there. You don’t need to settle everything in one conversation.
It’s also worth remembering that hearing difficulties can be embarrassing. Pointing them out in front of friends or family, even as a joke, may make your partner less willing to talk about them. A private conversation gives them room to be honest without feeling put on the spot.
Focus on what matters to your partner
Instead of focusing on hearing loss itself, think about what your partner enjoys and whether their hearing difficulties are affecting those experiences. Do they still enjoy family gatherings, or have they started withdrawing from conversations because they struggle to follow what their family members are saying? Perhaps they’ve stopped enjoying activities they once looked forward to.
Try asking, “If you could hear one thing better, what would it be?”
It might be a conversation with family, a favourite piece of music, or simply being able to join in without struggling to follow what’s being said. Whatever matters to your partner gives you something positive to focus on.
Explain how their hearing difficulties affect you
Of course, this affects you too. Repeating yourself throughout the day is tiring, and feeling unheard can be lonely. But saying “You never listen to me” is likely to start an argument, particularly when your partner genuinely hasn’t heard what you’ve said.
Instead, explain how the situation makes you feel. “I know you’re not doing it deliberately, but I find it hard having to keep repeating myself. I miss being able to just chat with you easily.”
The aim isn’t to make your partner feel guilty. It’s to help them understand that hearing difficulties can affect the people around them as well.
Don’t become your partner’s hearing aid
You might find yourself repeating what someone else has said, explaining parts of a television programme or answering questions on your partner’s behalf when they haven’t heard them. You do these things because you want to help. But when you’re regularly filling in the gaps, your partner may not realise how much they’re struggling to hear. That doesn’t mean you should stop helping them or leave them out of conversations. However, it’s worth being aware of how often you’re stepping in to help, as your partner may not realise how much they’re missing.
In the meantime, there are simple ways to make everyday conversations easier. Get your partner’s attention before speaking, face them when you talk and reduce background noise where possible. Try to avoid calling out from another room. If they don’t understand something, rephrasing what you’ve said can be more helpful than simply repeating the same words more loudly.
These small adjustments can make communication easier for both of you, whether or not your partner is ready to have their hearing assessed.
What if your partner still refuses a hearing assessment?
You can’t force your partner to have their hearing checked, and repeatedly raising the subject may only make them more reluctant. If you’ve already explained your concerns and they’re still not ready, try giving them some time rather than continuing to push the issue. They may not agree straight away. Sometimes people need time to recognise their hearing difficulties for themselves before they feel ready to seek help.
In the meantime, let your partner know they can talk to you about their concerns whenever they feel ready, and that you’re there to support them. If your partner does decide to have a hearing assessment, try to keep things relaxed and supportive.
Taking the first step with Hearing Therapy
If you’re worried about your partner’s hearing and aren’t sure what to do next, our team at Hearing Therapy is here to help.
Our audiologists can explain what happens during a hearing assessment, answer your questions and talk you through the options available. They’ll help you understand your partner’s hearing and recommend suitable solutions based on their individual needs.
We offer professional hearing assessments at our clinics in Sheffield, Dronfield and Mirfield.
If your partner is ready to take that first step, our team is here to help them understand their hearing and explore the options available.